The C Word
by LovingPipersBoys
Summary: Edward Cullen's world is being torn apart little by little as he watches his lover fade away. He is losing Jacob and there's nothing that he can do to stop it. Or is there? Edward/Jacob slash. Angst Rating for some language.


**Summary: **Edward Cullen's world is being torn apart little by little as he watches his lover fade away. He is losing Jacob and there's nothing that he can do to stop it. Or is there? Edward/Jacob slash. Angst

**AN: Hey guys this is a new one shot but it' s NOT the continuation of Trapped. They will come sometime in the next two weeks. I hope you like it.**

**The C Word**

The big C word.

It is the destroyer of everything good and pure in this world. It eats away at it's victims as it claims them, weakening them, twisting their faces and their insides until they're unrecognizable to the people who love them the most. The pain in their faces and the dullness of their eyes will haunt you forever and there is nothing that you can do to stop it.

The people that they leave behind are tormented by the howls of agony that will make them wish they could no longer hear. Images of deterioration will flash before their eyes and they will pray for memory loss in order to help them forget, anything to ease their suffering.

It's crippling, and a part of them will make feeble attempts to comfort the dying, fluffing pillows, holding straws bathed in ice water to their lips, telling them that everything is going to be ok, but it's all bullshit. Nothing will soothe them but death. Yes it's cold and yes it's cruel but it's out of anyone's control.

Always has been, always will be.

This thing, this modern day plague, is vile and deplorable and will stop at nothing to kill. I laugh bitterly at the irony. All this time I thought that I was the world's most dangerous predator, apparently I was wrong.

It doesn't care who it hurts, it doesn't care if it rips families apart, it has no feelings and it doesn't give a shit about anyone's future or lack thereof. It's a fucked up entity that has no boundaries, no limits, no sense of right or wrong. It just sucks away life and leaves nothing more than empty shells and broken hearts in it's wake.

Now imagine being a vampire, an indestructible freak of nature, watching your mate, the person you love more than anything in this world die in such a fucked up way and having millions of years to remember even the smallest details of their demise. To relive every moment of them crying out for you, begging you to make the pain go away, pleading with you to end them just so they don't have to feel their own insides rotting away, knowing that it could be centuries before you're fortunate enough to die and see them again.

This is what I have to deal with and I wouldn't wish a fate so cruel upon my worst enemy.

I lean forward in my chair as I cry tears that will not fall. I look around this tomb of sadness and hopelessness and all I see is the sickening shade of white. The whiteness of the walls, the sheets, the floor, the medial equipment drawing breaths for a body who's lungs have decided to give up. These walls have been my prison for three months now and it's draining every bit of the sanity that I have left. There is no love here, no emotions, no warmth, nothing…but impending death. The smell of antiseptic is heavy in the air but it's something that I've become accustomed to and it's all because of him.

Jacob Black.

My lover, my husband and my best friend.

My everything.

I smile as I remember the first time we kissed…

_I had been dating his best friend Bella for a while and I always believed that he hated me for it and wanted to take my place at her side. He was very good at blocking me and would often grin at me when he saw the frustration and confusion when I was unable to read his thoughts. At first it drove me crazy until one day he slipped up at a meeting between my clan and his pack. I rocked back on my heels as visions bombarded me of the two of us together in such an intimate way. The look on his face was priceless as he noticed his mistake, causing him to runaway as the others looked on with worry and concern. I had to admit, something in me liked what I saw and wondered if such a relationship with the Native was possible. However when my eyes rested on Bella I suppressed the thought. A life with Jacob just wasn't possible. I loved Bella._

_But would that love be enough to keep me from crossing the very fine line between our worlds? _

_I tried my best to stay away from him, really I did ,but a week after the fact my curiosity had gotten the best of me and I found myself seeking him out. I crossed the treaty line in route to him, telling Sam that it was something important concerning Bella and that I needed to speak to Jacob about it. When I got to his house it was dark inside and I could hear his light snores coming from his bedroom. I quietly entered in through the open window and sat at the foot of the bed, convinced that I was just interested in why he had these thoughts of us. _

_The fact that I too shared the same fantasy was something that I chose to ignore._

_I focused on his face. His strong jaw line, his perfect full lips, the soft skin brown skin that only added to his perfection. The wolf was in deed a beautiful creature and I could feel something strong, pulling me to him, begging for me to claim him and complete the puzzle of my tortured existence. I had felt something similar with Bella but it was nothing more than a light gust of wind against my skin compared to the full on hurricane that rocked through me when I looked at him. _

_I jumped at the sound of my name coming from his lips as he tossed and turned, his boxer shorts rising from his body. The images were delicious. The two of us were making love, bathed in the moonlight that streamed in through my bedroom windows. I was moving slowly in and out of him, our fingers were intertwined, our moans and gasp were in sync, it was the most amazing thing I had ever witnessed. I looked down on his smooth silky skin overwhelmed with the need to touch it, to feel him and then maybe, just maybe my lust for him would pass._

_I knew that it was rather naïve of me to believe this but it would be so much easier than to fall prey to my emotions and face the hell that the world was going to give us for forming such an unholy alliance. I placed my hand gently on his chest, my fingertips trailing down his heated flesh until I reached the elastic of his boxers. I cursed myself for wanting to go further, to have one look at something I would never possess. I shifted my body weight forward and lifted the one thing that kept Jacob's most private part hidden from view. I peer in and my mouth instantly watered at what I saw. I could see the wetness of his glistening tip and groaned when my own hardness pushed at the confinement of my jeans._

_Damn I would give anything to taste him._

_A voice deep within my consciousness told me to stop being so fucking safe and to give in to temptation, that I had waited long enough to be happy. I deserved this._

_I deserved him._

_I flicked my tongue over his delectable juices and relished in it's unique taste. It was so much more than I had imagined. My own personal brand of liquid heroin. I pulled my head lower, daring to bury the head of his cock in my mouth, licking around the tip. A moan escaping his lips, forcing me to continue, not wanting to disappoint him. I then took him in, down to the base and I could feel him shivering beneath me, my forearm moving as it rested on his stomach. His breathing changed a little and I could feel his hands in my hair. I placed my body between his legs in order to face him. I looked up to see him staring down at me. A mixture of surprise, panic and confusion on his gorgeous face, his dark eyes begging me to pull away but at the same time threatening me if dared to obey._

_I pull my cheeks in, bobbing up and down his shaft, going at him like a drug addict in desperate need of a fix and I wouldn't stop until I drained him dry. His moans, were music to my ears and I wanted to her that melody being played over and over again, every day for the rest of my life._

"_Shit…Edward…why…are…you…doing…this…to…me?" He panted out. _

_I offered no response as I continued working him in and out of my mouth until I felt him put a death grip on my hair, his hips pushing up into me wild and uncontrollably, assaulting my mouth with each thrust until he screamed my name, liquid heroin flowing done my throat, quieting that burning need…for now._

_Once his senses had returned he instantly pulls his legs into his chest and looks away from me._

_My heart sank._

_I allow him to gather his thoughts for a moment before calling out to him._

"_So would you like me to go now? Or are we going to talk about this?" I sounded harsher than I should have, my hurt showing despite my best efforts._

_He keeps his head bowed as he speaks._

"_No I don't want you to go, but I know that you have to. We can't do this Edward. It's not right. The others…they won't understand. Besides you're with Bella, she's my best friend and she loves you. I could never destroy her like that. I couldn't live with myself."_

_I understood his words. I've had the very same conversation with myself every day for over a week now but was it so horrible of me not to care about anyone who wasn't in this room right now?_

_I move closer to him and lift his face from his arms so that I could look into those captivating chocolate orbs only to see that they are overflowing with tears. I cup his cheek as I kiss them away, his hand resting on mine as he closes his eyes, happy to accept the loving gesture._

_I lean my forehead against his as I search my brain for the right words to say._

"_I know what you want to do what is right Jacob, but I'm sorry I can't. I want to be with you and there is no one that's going to stop me. Not your pack, not my family and not even Bella. In time she'll understand that we did not set out to hurt her but what we share is so much deeper than any one else could ever imagine. I have to have you Jacob, consequences be damned."_

_He looked up at me, his eyes searching for something that he desperately needed and when he found it he crashed his lips into mine. My passion for him got the best of me as I quickly took charge and pushed him down flat on his back, mounting him as I tasted every section of his mouth. He was so warm and sweet. I never wanted to leave him but I knew that he had to breath at some point so after a while I pulled back and allowed my tongue to dance along the skin of his neck. I wanted so badly to sink my teeth into him and drink of him to solidify our bond but I didn't know what my venom would do to him so I resist the urge and chose to lay at his side instead._

_We say nothing for a long time. Instead we lay together, with his head on my shoulder, my arms wrapped around him._

_The silence was broken with a question from his lips._

"_You do realize that we're going to catch hell for this?"_

_I smile into the darkness._

"_If this is hell than they can keep their heaven."_

Everyone around us had taken it a lot better than I thought. His pack brothers really weren't too keen on the idea but Jacob had been so miserable and distant that they welcomed the change and my influence over him. Bella was angry at first but Alice and Jasper had helped her get over me really fast. It was a very odd three way relationship but it worked well for them.

Every thing was perfect.

When Jacob graduated high school a year later we decided to get married. It was the happiest day of my life. My parents brought us a house as a wedding gift and Jacob started college shortly there after. Four years later he got his B.A in business administration with a minor in auto mechanics and opened up his own shop.

Three months after the grand opening Jacob started to feel extremely sick. He was sleeping way too much, his stomach always seemed to hurt and he could barely keep any food down. I became extremely worried and forced him to see a doctor. Carlisle ran all kinds of test until they determined the cause of poor health.

He had stomach cancer and it was in it's final stage.

The news devastated me. Six years was not enough time with him. I lashed out at anyone who tried to help us. I sent them away, barricading us in our home. I was more than capable of taking care of Jacob on my own I didn't need them. I didn't need to see the pity in their eyes. I didn't need to hear their hushed whispers of funeral arrangements for my husband. He was still alive, he didn't need to hear that shit and I wasn't ready to live a life without him.

We were so happy before all of this and I was angry that life could be so cruel to me not once but twice. I had to become a fucking monster at the age of 17 and I had waited forever for someone special to love me and not turn away from what I was. I had finally found Jacob, we had each other and I would do whatever it took to keep things the way that they were, to go back to our normal lives. I was prepared to take him away until Carlisle promised me that if we took him to the hospital he could make him better, that he could possibly save him.

At first I rejected the idea but then I watched as that fucking disease at away at him. His body had gotten thinner, every time he tried to speak it resulted in couching fits and by the time it was over it he was so tired that he couldn't even move his lips. Every night was the same. I would try to feed him, he would throw up. I tried to ease his pain filled moans with homemade drugs. I held his hand, I told him that everything was going to be ok, that he was strong and that he could beat this. I begged him to fight as hard as he could to stay with me.

It got to the point where looking at him was painful.

His intoxicating smile was gone and it took the light from his eyes with it. The boyish charm that I needed to get through the day had disappeared, leaving him with neither the will nor the want to flirt or be romantic. I would try to make him laugh, to keep his spirits up but all I got in return was a forced half smile.

Not being able to take it any more I called Carlisle and accepted his offer to take Jacob to the hospital so that he could take care of him there and maybe, if we were lucky, he would recover. I believed in Carlisle and his abilities.

It was all a lie.

A month later Jacob had slipped into a comma and now he was on life support.

I kiss his forehead and speak.

"You remember all of it, right Jake? All of those long nights together, all of the love we shared, our wedding day, your graduation and my lousy attempts to cook for you. I remember that one time that I almost burnt down the house making pepper steak and rice. You laughed at me for days." I let a small laugh escape my lips as I reminisce.

"I just want you to know that I love you and that this was the hardest decision that I've ever had to make. I was prepared to spend forever with you my love, but I guess that fate had other plans." I pause. "I know that if the situation were reversed, you would do the same for me. I would give anything for you to prove me wrong. If there's anything left of you please open your eyes or squeeze my hand. Please, I'm begging you. Come back to me Jake, please. Don't leave me here all alone. I don't think that I can handle that. I don't think that I'll survive."

I wait for the longest minute of my life and...nothing.

I slump back in defeat, my mind drifting back once again to happier times.

I'm brought back to reality by the sound of someone entering the room.

"Edward."

I didn't answer Carlisle. I just kept my eyes on Jacob as his body continued to lay limp before me. I look at all of the machines attached to him as if he were someone's fucking science experiment. It looked so unnatural. So wrong.

Damn it why did this have to happen to him?

"Son. Everyone's here now. Are you ready? Are you still sure that you want to do this? We don't have to. We can wait another month if you'd like."

I can only shake my head. Carlisle exit's the room before returning with my extended family along with Jakes father and the rest of the pack.

I try not to look at them. I don't even move from my chair as they all gather around the bed. Esme puts her hands on my shoulders and kisses the top of my head as Alice takes my free hand.

Again I don't move. The pain of my decision keeping me glued to my seat. I didn't want to do this but I was stupid to think that anything was going to change. Jacob was already gone.

I watch as Sam wheels Billy closer to the bed, his face wet with tears as he lifts his son's hand to his lips and kisses it. He doesn't want to let go and I know the feeling. Out of the corner of my eye I see him looking at me but I don't acknowledge him. I can hear his thoughts, he feels sorry for me as he remembers what it was like to bury Jacob's mother. It was a pain that he still felt 25 years later but he was luckier than he knew. In a few short years he would see both his wife and his son again. I was going to have to wait thousands of years before I could be with my angel.

I also read something else from him. He was hoping that something Carlisle had promised him was going to work so that I wouldn't have to go through the pain that he suffered. It was something that would take a part of Jacob away from him forever but he would still get to see his son. Confused I shrug it off. It was obvious that whatever Carlisle had planned did not work and we were going to lose Jacob. All of him.

I see Carlisle nod to Billy as he moved around to the cord on the other side of the bed,. I hiss at him without meaning to, knowing that the second he pulls the plug I was going to lose my reason for living. Maybe it was true that Jacob had been gone for quite some time but that didn't make this any easier. At least here I was being kept together by the illusion of life within him but this was permeate, this was going to rip him from my arms forever.

God this hurt more than I could have ever imagined.

A few more people say their goodbyes to Jacob before they leave the room. Now it's only me, Billy and Carlisle left.

I watch almost in slow motion as Carlisle pulls the plug out, the artificial life immediately draining from his body and I bolt from the room, my father screaming for me to come back. I ignore him and I run fast in front of the humans in the hall before moving at my vampire speed through the woods, feeling the need to get as far away from that place and my husbands fucked up ending as possible.

I run for what seems like hours until I reach my family's secondary home in the Canadian wilderness. I search for the key, finding it under a flower pot I jam it into the lock and a wave of his scent washes over me.

I can't believe that it's been here since Christmas.

I cry harder but yet nothing comes out.I missed him so much that it felt as if someone had reached into my chest and pulled my heart out.

I walk through the door and throw my ringing cell phone into the wall, shattering it into a million pieces. Anything and everything in my path was thrown out of the way or smashed by my fist. I was enraged. I was pissed off because I wanted to cry, the pressure was there but nothing would fall. I was hurt because I had lost everything important in my world so fast. I screamed in agony and collapse in the mist of my own ciaos as flashes of my life with him danced before my eyes.

That night that I had learned of his feelings for me.

Our first date.

The first time he told me that he loved me.

The first time we made love bathed in the moonlight just as the both of us had pictured it.

Our wedding day. We were so happy, but that was a lie as well. He promised me forever and he couldn't deliver.

I wanted to hate him for building me up so high that I couldn't see the ground before demolishing every brick of us by dying and leaving me here to deal with the heartache of losing him.

I cried dry tears as my world continued to crash down around me. I sat on the floor, my body weak from hungry but I didn't care. Maybe if I went without blood long enough then I could join him in the ever after. In that land there would be nothing that could separate us, nothing to stop us from being happy for all eternity.

Another wave of his scent assaults me this time it was so strong, so powerful that it knocked me down flat on my back. It was almost as if he were standing in the room with me.

I sob harder at the thought. I would never hear his voice again. I would never wrap my arms around him, go for a ride on his bike, watch him as he worked in his shop or joked with my family and his pack members. I would never make love to him. I would never bury myself inside of him, feel him buried inside of me or hear him scream my name at the height of our passion.

"Edward."

I pause. The ghost of my dead love speaks to me and I trembled.

Was I losing my mind?

I continued to stare up at the ceiling before closing my eyes. I can feel a presence laying beside me.

I jump at the unexpected touch of his hand on my cheek.

"Please open your eyes baby."

I'm afraid to do so. I don't want to open my eyes to find myself alone.

Lips that are cooler than his press into mine. Testing the limits of this beautiful nightmare I push my tongue into his mouth, a familiar taste washing over me.

I dared to raise my hand and run it through his long, thick black hair, my other hand feeling the smaller frame of what he had become. Not super skinny, just smaller. Like he was when we first met instead of the fifteen pounds of muscle he had packed on during our marriage.

I wanted to stay lost in this dream world forever but I knew that I couldn't.

I open my eyes to discover that…I…wasn't…alone.

He pulls back sporting that smile that I remembered so fondly but instead of his sparkling chocolate eyes I peer into that same love and admiration behind a set of red ones.

My husband was a newborn.

"Jacob? I don't understand. How is this possible?" I question never once loosening my grip on him for fear that he may slip away from me again.

Oh God please don't let this be a dream.

"Carlisle." He spoke and I knew that's what my father had been working on all those late nights at the hospital and in his office. I didn't understand how he managed to do this but I would be eternally grateful that he did.

It's been so long since I heard his voice and now I was going to be enjoy listening to my favorite melody for years to come. My body shook harder. I really wish that I could cry.

Jacob smiles at me and kisses my temples.

"I promised you forever Edward Black and I intend to keep my promise."

I return the smile.

"Thank you Jacob Black. You have no idea how happy you've made me. I love you babe. Always and forever."

Filled with excitement I crash our lips back together, our tongues dancing in joyous reunion. This felt good. This felt right.

This was my happy ending.

The C word could officially kiss my ass.

**The End.**


End file.
